Glasses: A grumble.

I’ve worn glasses pretty much my whole life, donning my first pair of fetching bottle tops with classic hooked arms aged three, followed up with an operation to correct my squint aged six, resulting in the inevitable pirate eye patch. Over the years I’ve gone for a variety of styles and have currently settled on a pair of dark red Karen Millen’s.

For the most part, I’m pretty down with wearing glasses, as after all, I’d be pretty screwed without them. They make you look smarter, which at school isn’t necessarily a good thing, especially when you have your gappy teeth and general geeky aura to also contend with, but when you reach adulthood, this can occasionally come in handy. You can pretend that you are a sultry secretary who oozes sex appeal (although this clearly hasn’t worked for me thus far). And these days your specs can double as a fashion statement – you can tell a lot about someone from the glasses they choose to wear.

However, wearing glasses comes with its own perils and annoyances. So I’ve decided to compile a list of the top five times when needing to wear glasses is simply not the one, because why the devil not:

1)    When you have the fear that you’ve lost your glasses

This has happened to me on multiple occasions, from when they fell off my face on a theme park ride and were caught by someone in the queue, to when I thought I had lost them on a night out, cried down the phone to my Mum whilst still drunk the next morning only to discover they were under my friends bed, literally in my eye-line from the fold-out mattress. However, the most frustrating situation is when you have fallen asleep in your glasses or had some kind of night spasm and knocked them off the bedside table, resulting in a ten minute scrabble on the floor, blindly looking for them with your useless eyesight. Not ideal.

2)    When you break your glasses

There are many situations where you are in danger of breaking your glasses, whether you are partaking in sports or accidentally getting a bit squiffy on a night out. Breaking your glasses can result in a number of different outcomes. You can continue to wear said glasses, taped together Harry Potter style, which let’s face it just isn’t all that cute. You can wear your old scratched up glasses which probably aren’t your correct prescription anymore until yours are fixed, resulting in headaches and general discomfort. You can wear your contacts, which is fine in most situations; however mine just aren’t as good as my glasses and cause me to want to nap part of the way through the day at work, which I’m pretty sure is frowned upon. Or you can buy a brand new sparkly pair, which leads me nicely on to...

3)    When you have to buy new glasses but are poor af

There are no two ways about it, nice glasses do not come cheap. Unless you want to wear thick, ugly glasses that look like they came straight out of the eighties, you are looking at spending at least £100 on a new pair, and that doesn’t include having them thinned. And before you scream ‘YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SPECSAVERS!’, I'm way ahead of you - I've been going there for years (don't event get me started on Haine and Smith). It actually makes me really quite mad when I think about it that I have to pay for glasses full stop – I didn’t ask to be born with astigmatism, after all. It’s just a bit unfair if truth be told. And I’m constantly poor, so there’s also that.

4)    When you see other people wearing glasses with non prescription lenses

Seeing other people wearing glasses without lenses makes me want shake them, give them a bit of a slap and sit them down for a stern word or two. I know glasses are just the coolest and the ultimate in chic accessorising (ahem) but I just don’t understand for the life of me why someone would choose to wear glasses when, if I had the money, I would be splashing out on laser eye surgery in order to NOT have to wear them. It baffles me. If you’re one of those people, please readdress this life decision. I don’t want to have to disown you.

5)    When people feel the need to test your vision

There is nothing more annoying than when someone decides to take your glasses from your face/ wave their hands around and asks you 'how many fingers am I holding up?' like you are actually certified blind. They put on your glasses and have a good old laugh about how they feel drunk and ask if this is how I see without my specs on. No. It's not. Now give my glasses back so I can see you well enough to give you the death stare.

Looking up at that, I realise it’s quite the moan fest and it’s a bit first world problems.com, but sometimes you need a bit of a rant, right? I’m sure if I thought about there would be more to moan about on the topic, but instead I’m just going to leave you with these beautiful images of me, aged 5. You’re welcome.